Christopher Muggridge
Sunday morning and the temperature has dropped back down to zero but I was up at eight, showered and dressed, and here I am, already outside and on the move. A big change from yesterday morning. On the outside, at least, but this is the first step to changing the inside. It may not make a difference but at least I know I will feel better that I tried. That I didn't just roll over and go back to sleep. That I didn't choose to hide. If depression wants me today, it can come and find me. I don't see why I should be the only one doing all the work.
P.S.: I finally figured out how to put on my scarf properly but as I have it wrapped around a hoodie and I'm still wearing my motorcycle jacket, I fear whatever I might have gained in intellectual progress, I have sorely lost in fashion acumen. I still have to work on that whole "hat" thing.
Sunday sing-along: Otis Redding "Hard To Handle".
Very late start today. I find when I sleep in I am more vulnerable to the negative thoughts and emotions that can plague me so I try to make sure I get up first thing, even when it's hard. This morning I slipped and sure enough, Depression came to visit with its brothers Hopelessness and Worthlessness in tow. At first I was prepared to just give in but then I decided I didn't want to waste another day. So I said "fuck you," threw on some 80's music, grabbed a shower, got dressed, and got my ass out into the sunshine. Some days, all it takes is a pair of red Converse and a red cup of coffee and you're back on top.
Music to get moving: Clarence Carter "Stroke It".
The kettle I use to make my coffee is manufactured by Betty Crocker. I keep trying to get it to make me cupcakes but it's stuck on the hot water setting. I figure more coffee will help me figure it out.
Windy as hell but decent weather otherwise. Way too much work waiting for me to allow for a long walk, but I'm happy enough to have squeezed in a short one. It feels good to get out.
Bed at 4:30am and up again at 7am is not a good way to begin a Friday. Granted, it's not a good way to begin any day but as this day is Friday, I'm going to to keep things current. I don't think my brain can handle anything more than that right now. Still, work has to get done and deadlines have to be met, so with the promise of some sun and warmer weather today, I'm making sure I have plenty of time to squeeze in a walk. I'll probably still end up with a keyboard imprint on my face and drool on my mousepad before the day is out but things could be worse. My job could involve feeding an industrial grade wood chipper. I bet those guys make sure they get plenty of sleep.
Today's melody for the barely upright: Otis Redding "I've Got Dreams To Remember".
Oddly enough, sometimes when I begin to feel depressed, I find that telling other people how much I appreciate them and how important they are for being who they are, makes me feel better. I am going to try and get around town a little later and do that. Some of you have already had such interactions with me and I want you to know I was sincere when I shared my sentiments, and they have not changed. My favourites though are those people I don't know. The ones who contribute to society and, although they may get paid to do their "job", they are often not the jobs that most of us would do. The people who volunteer, the ones who clean up after us, the ones who work to make our community a better place. Perhaps acknowledging that these people matter helps me believe that others think of me the same way at times but I'm not aware of it. It could be wishful thinking on my part but there are times when I feel I need something to hold on to, and if a wish is the best I can get, I'll take it. Here's to you and how awesome you are.
Song for a Thursday: The Temptations "Just My Imagination".