Christopher Muggridge

I think it’s fascinating that after so much work we put into dieting, exercising and losing weight, in the end we give the credit to our clothes by letting everyone know they “got too big for me”.

I think I am a people person the same way that Colonel Sanders was a vegetarian.

I think Sundays are like that friend you had who always had to drag his little brother Monday around.

I think love is the most powerful force in the Universe. Like if something was riding on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex that was wearing a super robot body with laser-guided, nuclear missiles and sporting some mad ninja skills; that would be love. Something wearing a moustache would work too. Moustaches make everything more badass.

I think it’s sad that the pot can’t recognize the inherent self-loathing and irony revealed in its unwarranted personal attacks on the kettle.

I think that when people refer to the act of spaying and neutering their pets as “getting them fixed”, they do so ironically knowing full well that they have just broken a perfectly good dog.

I like to bring a little Joy with me wherever I go. I have her on a keychain and feed her sunflower seeds while she rides about in my jacket pocket.

I like to rub together random old people in effort to find the perfect pair who will eventually meld together to become "Toothless Prime" the Wrinkled Avenger.

I like to go through McDonald's drive-thru and ask the person on the speaker to bring out a menu in brail so I can figure out what to order.

I like to keep a live ferret in my pants just to remind myself that like an angry, claustrophobic ferret, life will sometimes bite me in the ass.