Poetry

Sometimes I have thoughts.

Sometimes I post these thoughts on my website for you to read. Sometimes you read them. This is generally referred to as "Blogging", which should not be confused with "Flogging", an activity I do not perform for free. Unlike my Blogging.

July 27, 2018
Mom at picnic table

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy birthday Mom. I know I've never come out and told you - a shameful failing on my part - but you are one the kindest, most genuine, and sincere people I know, and I'm thankful for everything you've given and shared with me.

I love you and wish you the best day.

July 24, 2018
Broken hearing aid

What? What?

Of course, as things always must, along with the good comes some bad in tow. After forging ahead and keeping my focus, doing what needs to be done to reach my goal, I find myself on the cusp of attending University. Everything has been lining up, and with only a part-time job left to be found, I've been pleasantly surprised with my lot as of late.

So of course, my hearing aid decides to give up and die. For anyone who may not know, hearing aids are not cheap. Each one can cost $1500 - $2000 at the low end. The lowest ones are only effective for one-on-one conversations and quiet spaces. The mid-range (which I have had for the past six years) is supposed to cut out approximately 50% of background noise, suitable for small gatherings, movies, etc. Ultimately, I need two at the top end (with up to 90% super awesome background noise blocking power), but when I purchased the recently departed earpiece, I could only afford the one middle-leaguer. On sale, and with the government supplying $500 (they support $500 per ear), it still cost me roughly $1800.

The icing on the cake is the fact testing showed the hearing in my right ear (the one that has gone without aid) has since declined, so I'll be at an even greater disadvantage when dealing with lecture halls, busy crowds, and the challenges that come with learning proper pronunciation in my Japanese course.

Yet somehow, I'm not discouraged by this. The me from a year ago would have been sent plummeting, but the me from today figures I'll get by, and there are so many more pluses than minuses happening in my life that it's tougher to complain. I can't see myself coming up with the $5500 I've been quoted for a replacement solution, but I'm not going to worry about it. I've gotten through worse and there are too many things people are saying in the world right now that I'd rather not hear anyway. I'll just have to make sure I always get a seat at the front when I'm ready to listen.

July 23, 2018
Me in bed

Down But Far From Out

Having a bit of a down week but recognizing it and focusing on staying above it. Challenging to stay out of bed but thankful that these episodes are occurring less and less frequently lately. I think having something to focus on, working towards a goal, moving my life in a direction I want instead of one that's simply available, all these things help to hold me up. Some days you just need to go with the flow and let the down work its way back up. You never escape anything by going around, only through. I accept the challenge and I'll see you on the other side.

July 20, 2018
Preparing to submit my school schedule

Classes Locked And Loaded

Throughout this whole University application process I have concentrated on tackling each stage as soon as it became available. This morning was the launch of the class request process, and not wanting to leave anything to chance, I was ready and waiting. Literally. With my finger hovering over the button, eager to submit my carefully planned schedule. I had researched my courses, double-checked any requirements, and saved my choices in preparation for the quickest submission possible. I even took steps to verify my stored selections were still in place and my router was working, with the same page loaded on my phone in case I had to fall back to my cell data.

Overkill? Perhaps, but I made the decision to gain and experience everything I can from this new adventure in my life and I'm determined to do that to the best of my ability. I'm not willing to risk anything less by being unprepared or lax in my actions.

So there I was at 9:25 on a Friday, waiting patiently for 9:31am when the window opened (the actual published time was 9:30am but I gave it a minute longer to allow for any time difference or delay).

Excessive? Perhaps, but who has two thumbs and a first choice schedule in the system. This guy.

A little ditty while taking care of business: The Clash "London Calling"

July 4, 2018
My mug over a mug

Up And At’em

First time in a while, I'm up and in motion at 6:30am. Time to spread a little awesome. Don't forget to do your bit. Jump in the water, the temperature is perfect. Only two rules; bring a comfortable floatee and don't be a dick. The first you can find at Walmart, the second you can find through empathy, and if you can only manage one, make it the second. Contrary to some peoples' misguided beliefs and many "that's what she said" jokes, we can use less dicks in the world.

A tune to cannonball into a Wednesday: The Fugees "Killing Me Softly With His Song".

July 3, 2018
Spider-Gwen and Caffeine

Mugging It Up

Working through a sunny Tuesday-dressed Monday, with the helpful aid of my newly acquired, caffeine laced, Spider Gwen powered, energy supply vessel.

July 2, 2018
Thinking at sunset by the lake

Thinking, Building, And Dreaming

I've spent a lot of time over the past year attempting to get a better handle on myself; who I am, who I want to be, and where I want my life to take me. I've logged a lot of hours walking alone and corralling my thoughts and emotions. I still have a way to go and doubt I'll ever reach a final destination, but that's what the journey is about. That's life itself. The trick, I believe, is in being fluid. Doing your best to get where you want to go, but keeping your mind open to new experiences as they become available, and being willing to adjust your plans to suit. Ultimately though, you need to check yourself at each of these junctions and determine whether these new opportunities are things you really want, or if you're jumping track simply because they're available. Too many times I've fallen for the latter and ended up where I didn't want to be after all. Experience has taught me you need to remain true to yourself and that's the trickiest part. Who is the true you?

I think I miss many aspects of the "old" me. The "way back" me. I truthfully have no idea how far back that was, but somewhere along the way I lost myself and began giving up little pieces to suit the world around me, rather than building my world around my goals and dreams. You should never let go of your dreams. They're what make the whole thing worthwhile, even if you're only ever chasing them.

No more. I'm making changes - both inside and out - and for the first time ever, I like what I'm seeing in the mirror. I look like me and I feel like me. I'm enjoying who I'm becoming and I look forward to seeing where I go.

June 17, 2018
Dad and I over early morning coffee

Father’s Day 2018

Expressing our feelings for one another has never come naturally, but I want you to know, and always remember, how much you mean to me. To wish I'd grown up with a better father would not only be selfish, it would be impossible. I love you Dad. Happy Father's Day.

April 24, 2018
Bed head

Bed Head Most Dire

You know how sometimes you sleep on your hair wrong and it gets pulled in the wrong direction or something long enough that when you wake up your scalp hurts in that area? I hate that.

I also hate when people leave their dogs outside for long periods of time while they bark and whine at the door, cars parked haphazardly across two parking spaces, and those stupid memes on Facebook that say things like "I bet I won't get even one share" - but right now? Mostly the hair thing.

ADDENDUM

After having survived the infamous bed head incident this morning, I picked up my car from the garage and discovered my bill to be half the estimated cost. Drastic improvement already. Next step, keep the momentum rolling.

Here's to hoping that this is the greatest tribulation I'll be facing on my Tuesday.

A song for the follicly antagonized: The Beatles "Something".

April 23, 2018
Christopher Muggridge Mug Logo

A Meeting Of Mountains

Mountain, meet Monday. Oh, you already know each other? Of course you do. I'll go get my climbing gear and meet you back here in an hour.

July 16, 2017

Death’s Black, Black Kiss

How furious the flaming tiger grows
when eager his heart and passion shows
but the bitter sweet of life he knows
is but the hollow smack of death’s black, black kiss.

How sad that he shan’t be missed.

July 16, 2017

Content In Love

I’ll press you up against the wall
Cradle your face in my hands and kiss you long and deep with passion
If you’ll wrap your legs around me
Clasp your hands behind my neck, pull me in and throw away all caution
Reminding me once again why it is I choose to stay

I’ll lay you out across the bed
Crawl my way up to meet you, brush against you, just to make you tremble
If you’ll arch your back beneath me
Drag your fingers along my spine, leaving traces, forgetting to be gentle
Losing ourselves, trading roles of predator and prey

I’ll chase my fervent kisses over you
Chase them where they lead, hungry for your body and the way it feeds me
If you’ll close your eyes, bite your lip
Anticipate where they’ll land – your breasts, your neck, behind your knees
Surrendering yourself to wherever they may lay

I’ll grip your body by your hips
Let you feel my breath as I gently bite and lick my way across your middle
If you’ll curl your fingers in my hair
Take me prisoner between your thighs and encourage me with your giggles
Barely checked excitement lending fuel to our play

I’ll slide my fingers between yours
Stretch your arms above your head as you welcome me in, I enter you slowly
If you’ll steal my heart with your eyes
Say you love me without speaking, share your secrets with me, for me only
The craving that grows with each new thrust enslaves

I’ll slide my arm around your back
Raise you up and kiss you madly until we surrender ourselves completely
If you’ll bury your head in my shoulder
Hold me tight while your body grows taut and tremors come breathlessly
Collapsing together, our longing for the moment at bay

I’ll be your biggest supporter
Carry your luggage, hold your hair when you pay for too much drinking
If you’ll kiss me on my forehead
Hold my face in your hands and chastise me for too much over-thinking
Reminding me once again why it is I choose to stay

Then I’ll be content in love.

July 16, 2017

She

She chose to share her love
At least as much as any cat can
On my lap, her back to me
while she cleaned
Both of us wanting to be here
With only one of us willing to admit it

If she was anything at all
I’d bet that she was a Feminist
Defending bodily integrity,
autonomy, gender equality
Perhaps not species, but still
She carried herself like she lived it

She would sleep quite often
On my lap, my papers, my keyboard
Never really mindful of me
or perhaps in spite of me
When I shooed her along
I did so with jealousy and she knew it

On days she disappeared
Her absence left a space behind
A thing quite odd to me
who had never seen
Her come and go at all
And yet could somehow always feel it

I imagined her escapades
Wild and crazy things in secret
That in truth would be
less for her, more for me
A break from my boredom
An escape without having to live it

She would go where she went
First to arrive, last to leave
At court with the queen
both sipping high tea
Snowboarding in Banff
Not a fan of snow but conquering it

Or Dwarf Tossing in Spain
Aerial Yoga in a Russian gym
Like a wet noodle she
performs a daring routine
Always playing it cool
While loving every minute of it

Off chasing shadows now
She doesn’t come around anymore
Never really mindful of me
I never saw her leave
No time for goodbyes
As was her way, I wouldn’t change it

She chose to share her love
At least as much as any cat can
On my lap, her back to me
while she cleaned
Now the room seems empty
With only one of us here to fill it

July 16, 2017

Counting On You

If I live my life to be a two,
My one plus another and the other is you
How can I trust the one that I am
When my one is lost before I began?

The one I should be, is half without you
But to be a one, we must join, making two.

So, I give up my half to be you and me
Together we’re one and with time we make three
Another to share in my life lost and found
With my half then made two, into one we’ve passed down.

My half into two, into one, into three
Three who make one from that half that was me.

But like me who was half before you made me one
I’m half once again in our daughter or son
Until they in their turn find another like you
Making them half,
into one,
into two.

June 15, 2017

Sadness

The door was left open
Though not very wide
Just wide enough
To let sadness inside

June 15, 2017

We’re All Crazy

We're all crazy
You and me
those locked up
those running free
I can prove it
or lose it
even abuse it
but I can't hold me up
and you
you'd just let me drop
No blame
Nothing in a name
You do
what you do
I see
what I see
Everyone can be
all they can be
but not me
They can't be me
Maybe it's easier
If I just say yes
Give you one guess
Placate the rest
But then
Where's the fun in that?
Nowhere
Not from what I see
From where I stand
I stand
Not stoop
Jump for joy
Not through hoops
You may be here tomorrow
when I may need to borrow
A slim piece of sanity
But until then we
as I'm sure you'll agree
We
We're all crazy

June 15, 2017

Happier

"You sound happier these days," she said, and it made him wonder.

He flexed the muscles of his mind
Struggling hard to stretch the lines
To read between them, attempt to find
The truth to bring him peace

He found no peace, but a piece that was missing
Missing pieces are hard to find
One piece into two, a few into many
Counting up, up into nothing
And down into nothing he climbed

Funny how climbing can feel like falling
When your eyes see nothing but dark
Funny how the harder you push
The farther you fall
The louder your voice
The softer your call
And at the end of the day
When all’s said and done
The strength of your arms
Means nothing at all

"Not happier, just resigned," he replied.

June 15, 2017

The Hard Way

So many times have I been down
Down to the bottom of a barrel or another
Scraping the bottom to discover
My world flipped upside down

And I’m starting over

Thoughts that kept me spinning round
Round I searched for a friend to give cover
In vain I searched to discover
No shelter could be found

And I’m starting over

I’ve heard it said that when you fall
You need to make the climb again
Failure is failure
But only if you stay

So many times I’ve tried to call
To hear the line cut again
No one ever said that life was fair
But I’m learning that the hard way

So many things I’ve tried to change
Change what I could of what was around
All around but never inside me
Finding what matters and not who to blame

Sometimes the only way to move forward
Is to turn life around and begin again
To let go of the past and find a new way

But I’m learning that the hard way

June 15, 2017

The Lonely Road

Up from the bottom to the top he rose
A broken clown in kingly robes
He borrowed and stole but never owed
His sadness stained the lonely road

He hid with the hidden under the bed
Early to rise, on worms he fed
Never did what they did, but did what they said
Disappointed he tread the lonely road

Over the miles, the road would run
Over his dreams and then
As far as it ran, it twisted back again
From horizon to home the road would bend

Like the years of his life it fell away
Too far ahead to see, too far behind to care
Too wide to embrace, too narrow to share
It ran, it fell, it led him to despair

But always it rose
The road rose to meet him

June 15, 2017

Strong

True strength is not showing you can dominate
It's the knowing and then choosing to alleviate
Raising others up instead of holding them down
Pointing their eyes to the sky, instead of the ground
Knowing all the time you could break them
If you wanted to
If you chose to
If you were not so strong