George Washington once clothed himself in a burlap dress so that he could pretend he was a sack of potatoes while attending a work party. Jealous of his cutting edge style, George's boss fired him on the spot and stole the look as his own. And that is why being fired is sometimes called "getting sacked."
Today I saw a little person in the park. He was up on a box with a crowd of people around him and as I got closer I could hear him shouting about equality and how little people like himself deserved the same respect and opportunities as everyone else. I had to admit that I found him to be very convincing and so did many others, judging by all the nodding heads in the crowd. After a while I looked around and wondered if anyone else imagined what it would be like to use him as a footstool.
I feel like a bird's sweet song in the spring. Except the song is more like a groan and instead of a bird it’s more of a ferret kind of thing, in the winter.
I am beginning to suspect that I may not be very good at sharing my feelings.
It would be cool if men had computer chips in their chest that would play music like one of those greeting cards whenever someone pressed their nipples. It’s not like they’re really using those things anyway.
I think love is the most powerful force in the Universe. Like if something was riding on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex that was wearing a super robot body with laser-guided, nuclear missiles and sporting some mad ninja skills; that would be love. Something wearing a moustache would work too. Moustaches make everything more badass.